I never had it. I acted like I had it, but it wasn’t in me. My heart was full of unforgiveness, selfishness, and bitterness and there was no way it could find a place in me. I knew all the right words, I even studied to find the right words. I just couldn’t feel it. I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings I had nothing left for anyone else.
Fooled you, huh.
One thing I did have was the sincere desire to please my loving Father God. When I was young, I thought people got what they deserved. I believed that “You made your bed, now lay in it.” I looked around me peering through my distorted lens and saw people who didn’t deserve a Saviour. Little by little, God tore little chunks, then huge chunks out of my flesh and spirit. Now I feel the cold, I feel the heat, and I feel pain. I found what I so desperately faked before …COMPASSION.
Now I can’t stop feeling. I cry for other people. I want to fix their hurts, to bind up the brokenhearted. I want to be used as an instrument regardless of the cost to my wants. The journey here was rough, but every step was worth it. My life now feels real and not just me somewhere lost in an empty shell pretending I am living. Living is hurting. Living is feeling. Living is awesome.
I am truly all here now…
“He was moved with compassion.”—Matthew 9:36.
THIS is said of Christ Jesus several times in the New Testament. The original word is a very remarkable one. It is not found in classic Greek. It is not found in the Septuagint. The fact is, it was a word coined by the evangelists themselves. They did not find one in the whole Greek language that suited their purpose, and therefore they had to make one. It is expressive of the deepest emotion; a striving of the bowels—a yearning of the innermost nature with pity. As the dictionaries tell us— Ex intimis visceribus misericordia commoveor. I suppose that when our Saviour looked upon certain sights, those who watched him closely perceived that his internal agitation was very great, his emotions were very deep, and then his face betrayed it, his eyes gushed like founts with tears, and you saw that his big heart was ready to burst with pity for the sorrow upon which his eyes were gazing. He was moved with compassion. His whole nature was agitated with commiseration for the sufferers before him.