Have you ever had a one sided crush or love? I think we all have; laughing too loud, flirting too much, engaging them in any possible conversation; basically, doing anything for a light to glow in their eye. The target will look a moment, then look away, never fully attracted to the girl, something holding them back.
Sometimes I feel like that with my son. One of our sons had the unfortunate experience of spending a year and a half in foster care. In care, he was not loved, he was left in his crib to cry, at least for almost one of those years. There is no doubt about it. The foster family was investigated by CYS and found to be guilty. The result of this thoughtless action was that my son felt deep inside him in a place he cannot explain, unworthy of love, inadequate in the most basic sense. He was also malnourished. Explain that to me will you? A child that had five homes before coming to stay with us. How does that effect a child who has known love since he was 18 months old, but little to none prior to that?
Attachment Disorder is the fancy name. My name is one sided love. Momma loves and the son questions deep inside…when will it stop? Can I trust it? I must depend only on myself, I am an island. And he turns around and Momma loves and he says maybe if I am very bad, maybe if I put up this wall she can’t reach me. And then, Momma loves and inside she hurts for her son who was a baby and never received comfort when he was alone, clean diapers when he was wet, food when he was hungry and ignored when he was scared.
When does it end I ask? When will his eyes light up FOREVER when he talks to me and not just for a brief moment. He loves Daddy, but Momma…you never know about the Momma…she’s the one who is there but doesn’t come
.The Broken Room
with permission from
As she sits ever so quietly in the corner of the broken room…
When she catches a glimpse of the moonlight forming a warm glow around his
As she reaches out her hand unable to resist the urge to run her fingers
through the dark curls…
When the simple touch of her hand causes him to flinch and pull
As she quietly moves herself back to the corner of the broken room,
sits ever so quietly…
herself that tomorrow is another day.
Then she smiles.
Copyright © 2002 Suzanne Constant