Posts on Facebook: “I don’t think I could be anymore homesick than now.” “I’m just kinda down, …trying to hold in there.”
My son, so independent: rarely calls, never needs anything…trying to be big, but my baby lurks inside. None of my children are used to being alone, really alone, in the midst of people. He is trying to suck it up and not call so I don’t “waste gas” picking him up. I don’t want to injure his pride by insisting…the dance of him pushing us away then doing an about face and pulling us back into his arms. So soon, the ache for us will not be as strong. The fragile threads holding him home will break one at a time. It is so hard to let go, so hard to accept that he hurts, but wants to figure it out himself without me riding to the rescue on my white horse…
A 3:00 am phone call. Another son, girlfriend took everything from his apartment, left him with nothing: well almost nothing. She was kind enough to leave the dirty dishes in the sink and the dog that won’t house train. After helping him cancel his account at the bank and open a new account to stop the bleeding, he found he had less than nothing. So, I filled his gas tank and he went to get his things to stay at our house. She took all the food too…and he needs to eat until things get straightened out.
It is so fragile. It would be easy to yank hard, make them feel incompetent when they are making these mistakes and trying their wings. Instead, my job is patch them up, feed them, and urge them to try again. One day, their wings will be strong and they will fly above the wind currents. For now, the buffeting they take from the gusts of life send them crashing to the earth.