How do we know if dreams have meaning or are just extensions of thoughts from random brain activity?DreamArms.jpg

Before I went to bed last night, Ray startled awake spontaneously and muttered something about a dream. This morning the topic of conversation was his dream. The farm was being sold by an older gentleman who wanted someone to farm it. It was in our price range and it had a big white barn.

He asked me how I knew if his dream had meaning. I asked him if he thought it did. He was unsure. Going to work this morning, he was thinking of an old man, a different farm, and a white barn.

Another crossroads, the five years are almost up. We had an agreement to try to grow the herd for five years and see what would happen.  We have 25 cows/heifers; All Brown Swiss, all too much for our little farm. Do we sell the cows or sell the farm and buy something bigger? The cows are not profitable. Does he sell the cows and equipment and buy a tire shop that the owners have offered to him for a reasonable price?

Smashing the silage

What he knows: he is almost 53: rain, cold, knees, shoveling, lifting, going up and down the steps in his machine is just hurting all the time.

What I know is: they cancelled my health insurance and that of the kids. Health care costs have gone up and we are the only family their change affected. Levi, in college, can buy minimal insurance from the college. All of the other children can be or are covered under Access or Blue chip. But the adult plan for Blue chip (partial pay) in Pennsylvania had been cancelled as of February 2011 and even before that, the waiting list to get on it was really long.

Another test of faith: we are in another adoption process. So now what? Does he get a different job? Do we continue and hope that I don’t need a doctor until I am old enough for Medicare? I know if something serious is wrong, I will not jeopardize the family’s financial situation. God will just have to heal me or make me last for 40 years, just as he made the Israelites shoes last as they wandered in the desert.

Life is interesting isn’t it? But I KNOW who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand.


2 comments on “Dreaming

  1. Please consider the importance of your health. The family wouldn’t be the family without you. I believe you are forgetting someone very important, you and all you do for the family. I don’t believe anyone makes it to 65-67 whatever it will be in 15 years without need of healthcare. Old people stuff (LOL – a moment of brevity in an otherwise serious message) starts to set in around 50. The stuff that needs attention to insure to live long enough to need your medicare. I myself developed high blood pressure just this year. Please, Esther, for the sake of your family, find some way to insure yourself.

    • the plan BCBS wanted to move me into, due to our income is only 170 a month, but that is out of reach in our budget. We are always struggling and that would definately put us under water.

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