And God sent:

I needed someone to help with Benjamin: and God sent Patty. I needed someone to pick up my car from the other hospital: and God sent Geno and Paul. I needed someone to cook supper: and God sent Bernice. I needed someone to hold me when I cried: and God sent Heather. I needed someone to talk to at the hospital: and God sent very kind staff.

What does Eli need? PRAYERS. His status: acidosis, pCO2 levels are in the high seventies eighties they should be less than 45. Yesterday at this time they were in the 50’s. They are afraid to open suction because of air trapping since he coded with that yesterday. Staff stands and looks at him and tries new things. His lungs are a bit stiff. His x rays show many smokey shadows in both lungs.

I cannot touch him, even good stress is bad for him right now. I can only speak to him, and I limit myself to about a minute or two every three hours since his hr increases by about 20bpm. It is more for me than him. I am fighting all my instincts to grab him off the bed and squeeze him and walk out the door. I am so very aftraid he might not make it. Reality is that unless God, the great physician, decides that Eli is to remain here with us, he will be gone. So right now the curtain is drawn, I am doing all I can not to sob as tears stream down my face…the same condition I was in yesterday. God have mercy.

I had to sleep last night, I was getting the shakes…so I gave him back to God to care for. Silly notion that is; since he was never mine to begin with .

How I wish things were today.

Ray cannot come back to the hospital, you see Benjamin is now very sick. I cannot go home, or I can’t come back. Ray is watching Ben like a hawk, I think they are headed to the doctor’s today. We cannot risk that Benjamin has something different, even slightly, than what Eli has. God knows. I cry here and Ray is crying there. But God sent me YOU: all of your notes, prayers and shares of my story …I read every prayer and believe with you. My arms are weary, but like Aaron and Hur, you are surrounding me helping me have enough strength to keep them up. Thank you, all of you: Pray for Eli.


12 comments on “And God sent:

  1. Esther, Keep the faith. Praying, praying, praying for you, Little Eli & all that are around him. ❤ HUGS

  2. Esther- This reminds me so much of the past Duggar show- Where Michelle says God giveth life and God taketh away= Blessed be the name of the Lord! Sending you strength during this time of ultimate chaos. What you do for all of these children is definitely seen by God and He will help you through this. Paula S.

  3. I can’t imagine the emotions that you are going through. Hold onto God–he is in this with you. Please get some rest ,stress will really exhaust you. Barry and I have been praying for Eli and now for Benjamin. I am so glad that God has sent people to meet your needs. He promises to be with us. When exhausted, I lean back in my chair and ask God to hold me tight and his comfort comes.

  4. My prayers are with you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. God will take care of every thing. No matter how hard it is to understand why things like this happens. We just need to have faith in him.

  5. Esther you are all in our prayers 🙂 Believing with you for a miracle… I know you’ve seen many before. What’s one more to God? Sending love & healing your way. Lisa & Bill

  6. Still praying…now for Benjamin too. God’s will be done and peace that passes all understanding to your family. Much love and continuing prayers.

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