I needed someone to help with Benjamin: and God sent Patty. I needed someone to pick up my car from the other hospital: and God sent Geno and Paul. I needed someone to cook supper: and God sent Bernice. I needed someone to hold me when I cried: and God sent Heather. I needed someone to talk to at the hospital: and God sent very kind staff.
What does Eli need? PRAYERS. His status: acidosis, pCO2 levels are in the high seventies eighties they should be less than 45. Yesterday at this time they were in the 50’s. They are afraid to open suction because of air trapping since he coded with that yesterday. Staff stands and looks at him and tries new things. His lungs are a bit stiff. His x rays show many smokey shadows in both lungs.
I cannot touch him, even good stress is bad for him right now. I can only speak to him, and I limit myself to about a minute or two every three hours since his hr increases by about 20bpm. It is more for me than him. I am fighting all my instincts to grab him off the bed and squeeze him and walk out the door. I am so very aftraid he might not make it. Reality is that unless God, the great physician, decides that Eli is to remain here with us, he will be gone. So right now the curtain is drawn, I am doing all I can not to sob as tears stream down my face…the same condition I was in yesterday. God have mercy.
I had to sleep last night, I was getting the shakes…so I gave him back to God to care for. Silly notion that is; since he was never mine to begin with .
Ray cannot come back to the hospital, you see Benjamin is now very sick. I cannot go home, or I can’t come back. Ray is watching Ben like a hawk, I think they are headed to the doctor’s today. We cannot risk that Benjamin has something different, even slightly, than what Eli has. God knows. I cry here and Ray is crying there. But God sent me YOU: all of your notes, prayers and shares of my story …I read every prayer and believe with you. My arms are weary, but like Aaron and Hur, you are surrounding me helping me have enough strength to keep them up. Thank you, all of you: Pray for Eli.