The night before last,  Heather had me read Psalm 91 over little Eli’s very still body…”He who dwells in the secret places of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the pestilence. He shall cover you with his feathers and under his wings you shall take refuge. His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night. Nor of the arrow that flies by day. Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness. Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.”

As the words flowed through the room, I felt helpless. I stammered through the verses…Meanwhile all around the country and the world, YOU were praying.

Yesterday began with a knowledge that if God did not intervene, I would never hold Eli again. Here is a synopsis of my conversations with my sisters… I know they won’t mind:

Heather: Read psalm 91

Me: Is that the long one? I am having a hard time thinking.

Heather: Yes, read it over Eli. I will read it over him from here.

Me: ok I can do that I am getting a shower then I will get right on it until they do his blood gas levels

back now levels are worse the pCO2 they are most worried about, it is now 85 was 79 should be less than 45. they are suctioning

Debbie:  Esther, I just caught up on the messages, finally home from work.  Any more news?

Sue:  Our church is praying. I didn’t know his exact age, but explained the situation. Have gotten emails back that Eli is being covered by prayer. I Love you Esther:) Rest when you can…

Me: Sue he is 2 1/2 months. uneventful night numbers have dropped slightly from 85 back to 79 then 75. yesterday at this time they were in the 50’s his body needs to compensate and it really is not. so his ph is also too low. if the numbers are high and his ph improves it shows his body is starting to fight better, tears are still dripping heart is still praying.

they did not do the open suction again. he probably needs it because his lungs are trapping air. until the mucus is removed, it is a problem. but they are afraid since he coded with it yesterday. I love him so much and I can do nothing, but God can I gave him back again last night I am sure u understand, but this morning I am weeping

Melodye: Esther, I was going to come… but my TN slammed me through the night and I caught Dan’s cold.  I was planning to leave about now, had my clothes all laid out.  Even if the TN didn’t stop me, the cold would have. Praying praying praying

Me: they just did rounds no real change for him except he may need a blood transfusion. His one number looked good: a lung resistance number?? IDK I ask questions…but he is the same laying there very still and resting. His pCO2 number is the same, high 70’s. I am trusting

oh yes, they did start to feed him formula in a ng tube. His intestines are making good noises 🙂

Heather: Oh good! You have an army of people praying.

Melodye: an army — an army Esther.  Please remember that!
Heather:.  How are you holding together
Me: better I left for a while and went to call ray, the gift store and bought some pony tail holders, went to the library and picked up a book probably won’t read it. and great news 🙂 after calling the insurance yesterday she said she would expedite the process for his insurance and the admissions office siad he was in the SYSTEM!! whew praise God. I cannot even imagine the bill if not. so the bill thing must have been a fraction of the stress because I feel a quarter relieved 🙂  wait blood gas reading

reading is 79 as long as it stays under 90 the head doc says they will make no drastic changes for care.

After a discussion with Melodye on the craziness of having the laundry soap on the first floor and the washer on the eighth floor:

Melodye: it was definitely a man!  I can send you some clothes if you need!  Whatever you need.  I actually was going to stop and get you a few things when I was coming… but God apparently has other plans

Me: is OK melodye really I appreciate that you WANTED to come and do the angel watch.

Melodye: I am doing the angel watch from here — the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much — I am so glad my righteousness comes from the Blood of Jesus.  I am being fervent!!

Debbie:I am praying, too.  I prayed while I was working yesterday, too

Me: suctioned him are now bagging…brought him back… (20 hours ago)

Heather:No no!  Not again.  Wish i was there

Me: no his lungs did not collapse this time just his oxygen levels dropped to the low 70’s after suctioning Hr dropped to the 50’s…I was here

Heather:Oh, i cant stand that i cant be there.  Why did they have to suction him again? What are his settings?

Me: it is fine he is set on 45 percent oxygen  and rate of 24…same as before he just had to bag a while…always scares me

Heather: Are you okay now?  Is he any better at all today?  Is the antibiotic doing anything

Me: same, I feel a change is coming though…not sure which direction. just my spirit (18 hours ago)


I am praying, praying. Is your spirit specifically telling you anything?  I’ve not gotten any Word… and I am open and asking for a Word.

        •  Esther, the Lord did tell me one thing (and I hope you are not offended by this).  But He said that you got Eli because another couple, who desperately wanted a baby and he was their one and only could not have handled this well.  You, because you have many other blessings, can handle whatever happens.  This was in His plan for Eli’s life and you and Ray were the best couple to handle it.  I didn’t get any further Word as far as the outcome.I hope you hear it the way I heard it.  I hesitated to tell you, but I neither added nor left out anything He told my spirit.
        • Me:Pastor Freeman came to pray with me, the chaplin here. I feel something changing not sure which way…but his blood samples came back with pCO2 at 69. But it neither confirms or denies either outcome. Kim Fox was here when the pastor came and she prayed with us. the lady from downstairs came telling me about the outpatient services he would probably need…monitors oxygen… I have an expectancy of something …
        • Heather:How is he Esther (15 hrs ago)
        • Me: tachy really needs his transfusion soon. hr now around 180 but I just feel something is about to change…
        • Heather:What will the transfusion do?  When do they plan on doing it.
        • Me:I can’t explain it I feel something chills like the presence of God is here feeling like you get during a wonderful praise time as soon as his type and match comes back his blood type and sub group so it is a great match…I think they have it right now..  🙂 yep the blood has arrived
        • Heather: have they started it yet?
        • Me:  yep they just had to double check all the numbers for a match and I was keeping an eye on things 🙂 they love me here!!

        • Heather: good.  Are you holding together okay?
        • Me: yes I just don’t feel the darkness I felt yesterday I am holding very well and i just might nap 🙂
        • Heather: yes sleep.  the Lord is giving you the peace we asked for.
        • Melodye: Good!  Sleep!  You are chosen for this child, for this time!!   I continue to bathe you and Eli in prayer!
        • Me: ok just got up…transfusion still underway about half done. still tacky…(hr too high) but his pCO2 levels are now at 66 !! (13 hours ago)
        • Heather: ok, what is making the hr go so far up?  how high is it right now?  it could just be stress and pain? Praise God for the 66!How long does a transfusion take?what does tacky mean?  sorry I have so many questinos so fast.  So excited he might turn a corner
        • Me: tacky is fast hr it is 180 not good, also the other not good thing is all of the formula is being upchucked into his mouth and they are suctioning it out…they have stopped the feeding and have to reinsert the ng tube into the duodenum(first part of small intestine). transfusion is slow so probably another hour and we won’t know for about two if it helped his tacky problem (13 hours ago)
        •  nurse just came and said the albuterol may be causing the tacky if his blood pressure increases they will remove the albuterol for his asthma symptoms…pray they don’t have to do that since his lungs finally appear to be working a bit betterHeather: oh okay…very interesting.  oh yes he did you are right.  I hope it really changes him around .  Wish we could all be there with you keeping you company during this long wait.
        • Me: me too…it is ok God is here today I feel him a presence here…not that he wasn’t here yesterday but it sure felt dark in here nuts I know but the spirit knows something
        • Heather:it is a spiritual battle always.  Principalities and powers that we are unaware of.
        • Melodye;God was waiting for you to get to this place… to really give Eli to him… and let him there at the foot of the cross
        • Me:right you are Melodye.
        • Melodye: have felt it here — there was a line from me to you!  Satan thought he could sever it if I couldn’t come today, but I just kept the line open…
        • Heather:

There’s a sweet sweet spirit in this place. and I know that it’s the presence of the Lord

  •  Sweet holy spirit, sweet heavenly dove
  • Me:  Yes Heather it is a presence right here

    Melodye: I am tired, sort of weary the way Jesus was when he prayed… Stay right here with us, filling us with your love.And for these BLESSING we life our hearts in praise*BLESSINGS

  • Me:without a doubt

    Heather: without a doubt we’ll knowthat we have been revived

  • Melodye: when we shall leave this place… not “If” we should leave, but “when” we leave

Heather: yes, we will all go. no one can cut the day short without God’s okay
Me: yes it is a worshipful spirit here and there is no one here but me and Eli and God and all the prayer warriors around his bed in this rooma multitude God is hearing I know it he is hearing the petitions
Heather: and I and others have prayed angels to keep watch over his bed and room
Me: I feel them heather there is something different here

his ph is in the normal range no longer acidic. 7.3

The nurses are happy the numbers are better but unless you are a Christian don’t know if you could feel this

…pCO2 is at 62 woot woot!! lactate normal range, hr still elevated. LOVE my night nurse for him…older very experienced and doing pt with him.(9 hrs ago)

hr is in the 150’s

nuts hr now back in 170’s but talked to the head resident for the night…she was smiling…I said I was worried yesterday he would never come home, she nodded her head. Yes it was that bad now they will admit it since he is doing much better except for that hr. I met a man in the laundry God sent me there. I had one more set of clothes and could have waited for tomorrow, but I HAD to go. He is 48 single no kids…I started preaching don’t ask me I’m not much of a preacher. God had been talking to him about his nephew’s children in the system and gave every excuse under the sun why he shouldn’t do it but I knew god wanted him to get his family home. sista’s I gave him the whole load Holy Spirit giving me scriptures you know how it works I think a bit of the glory in this room went with me upstairs. He is a deacon in his church and God was not letting him alone. He told me God sent you up here…cool huh he got some overflow. (8 hours ago)

Debbie;I could’t wait to get home tonight to catch up on Eli’s condition.  I have been praying everytime I could get a chance.  I definitely felt a spiritual wall, but prayed anyway.  I know God is bigger than what I’m feeling.  So looks like the Red Sea is parting. (9 hours ago)

Me: pCO2 was 45 high end of NORMAL range PH is normal 🙂 they had to reinsert the ng tube last night it is a different kind of tube that goes into the duodenum (first part of the small intestines) because he was upchucking everything…it was SUCCESSFUL andhe did not code woo wee coming along. It will be days and days but he has made the turn 🙂Thank you Jesus

oh and his lungs are opening up they canHEAR it 🙂rounds are soon they will talk I am sure about things I don’t know yet but I am elated!! (2 hours ago)

rounds: lungs are much improved on xray, improved gases…lots of work to do, but we are headed in the right direction!! Thank you all for your prayers and God heard the cries of his people! He is a God who HEARS.


10 comments on “Expectancy

  1. Wow, this story is amazing! The Lord definitely has a plan for you and your family! Don’t give up hope =) Remember Romans 8:28, “All things work together for the good of those who love God and who are called according to His purpose.”

    My brother was hit by a car and had less than a 50% chance of surviving, and he is now 21 about to be 22! Our God is a God who heals =)

  2. Hello. It’s Laurie, the social worker at St. Chris. One of Eli’s CCN nurses let us know about your blog and that Eli is sick. Word travels fast in this unit so please know that everyone here is thinking about you guys and that many of us are praying. Glad to hear that he seems to be having a better day today and of course I hope that he continues to progress, quickly. Peace and comfort to Eli, you, and your family during this time (and always!). Please call if there is anything that I can do on my end if there are any legal issues or concerns that arise and I will do whatever I can to help.

  3. Aunt Esther and Uncle Ray and Family We are Prying everyday for baby Eli we love you, and are sending every good thought we can to you from us in Ohio. Love, Bubby, Mick, Doc and Peytn

  4. So happy to hear good things. God is good and faithful to those who love Him. So glad you have such wonderful sisters. Isn’t it a blessing to know that God already knew your needs way back when your family was being established? He is an amazing God and knew your needs for today way back when you just a little one like Eli. I love you, my sister in faith, and my heart aches for good news for you and your family.

  5. Thank You, Jesus, for hearing our prayers for this very special child! Oh, Father, I don’t even want these tears of JOY to stop – there is such a feeling of release in them! Eli is a part of Esther’s family to teach us all so many things. Esther, just knowing you were “alone” & so fearful of losing your precious baby was tearing me up & I groaned to the LORD how much I wished I could even stay w/you (although I’m farther away than almost everyone)! I felt so led to pray for healing & angelic protection for Eli, and for peace, peace & more peace for you, so those have been, essentially, my prayers, around the clock. Shortly after I saw the post that he was being transfused, and not knowing as many of the medical details as I do now, I was suddenly filled with a knowing that the LORD was so pleased to hear all the prayers in Jesus’ Name, and He had revealed Himself to you in a special way. He wanted you to feel Him there, Esther, and I know you did. I send my love and continued prayers……………… <3, Carol O.

  6. Esther, thank you for your beautiful witness and transparency during this most difficult time. I’ve been praying and praying. Praise the Lord for Eli’s improvement and for His presence that you could “feel” today.Continued prayers for Peace, comfort and wisdom for you and the staff for how best to continue to help Eli.

  7. I have been praying for your son Eli and your family. My sister in law is Marilee Higgs. She shared with me your story and about Eli. I have a very similar story. I know what it is to kneel and pray at a child’s bedside in the NICU and PICU. My son, Josiah, was born prematurely and with spina bifida and no left lung among other things. We was on a ventilator and I know what it is like to pray for the CO2 to come done and for the lungs to start working. I have been praying for God to be ever present with Eli and you. May you continue to feel His presence.

  8. Praise God for his mercies are new every day. So thankful and praising God for the precious encouragement for Eli’s recovery…continuing to pray fervently.

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