Jealous; I admit it!!

Jealous: I admit it!!

“I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

For Jesus who died for me, so many years ago; I remember your sacrifice. How could you love me enough to send your son to die? I will never understand. Who am I? Thank you for healing our son. Remembering Good Friday.


I am extremely jealous and I admit it! I went home on Thursday night to spend some time with the kids and Ray. Benjamin had been carrying my picture around, even taking it to bed with him.  Mazie kept asking about me. Ian said Dad was not giving out jobs properly and the house was a mess. Micah had tried to cut his hair and he needed me to fix it. Micah was sad because he needed someone to talk to about his grades. Shyloh kept saying she wanted me home. And Faith sent me that card that told me “I am very frustrated…”

But while I was gone, the little buddy graduated! Amanda, my step daughter, came and spent the night and the next day with Eli. She did a great job with him. He was moved out of Pediatric Intensive Care into a regular room! They removed his CPAP, his naso duodenal tube, and his …I don’t know the name of it, not a broviac or a pic line, but similar using the jugular vein…help me out here. Anyway all he has now is a nasal cannula with oxygen, his methadone treatment, of course they are monitoring his pulse oxygen and his heart rate. And I missed a smile 😦

 yesterday he was almost smiling, his eyes would light up, his eyebrows would lift but his mouth didn’t have the energy. Before I left Thursday, I did get a chance to hold him, and so did Ray. That was the first thing I did when I came back today too!!

Eli passed his swallow test (the cookie test with barium) with help. They found in order for him to direct the milk into his stomach and not his trachea, he needs you to squeeze his chipmunk cheeks and hold his chin while holding the bottle. It sounds harder than it is. I wonder if he was having that problem before we even came into the hospital?

Meanwhile back at the farm: Poppy had a heifer calf that Faith named Pocahontas. (Prime LS Eddie Pocahontas).

 Ray moved home a bull ready to go: Little Hill Agenda Levi: I did not get a picture since he is almost a year and a half old and is in our trailer calming down. I will get a picture when he is moved outside. Ray is taking a voluntary lay off since he took all of his vacation and the baby will probably be here a bit longer. Eli will need to stay home for quite a while: I sure don’t want him catching anything.

 When I left to come back, Benjamin put on my socks for comfort. Ray said he wore them for two straight days the last time I came to the hospital. When I drove away, he was plastered to the living room window crying. This is so hard.


2 comments on “Jealous; I admit it!!

  1. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! Thank you for sharing Esther… I can’t wait to see my little man when I’m back… God certainly has wonderful things planned for him in this life!

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