You hear the whisper…everything you have done is worthless…nothing you have done matters. When the whisper is given voice, something inside me that is very fragile shatters and cracks. The old injured scars are rigid, inflexible and in that very structure weak…weak because it was there I was never strong.
Many of my friends that I went to school, college and graduate school with have become extremely accomplished in their field. They have lots of accolades, and money to prove their worth to anyone who dares suggest they wasted their life.
Today, I made a call that I really did not want to make. The business we purchased was from a couple that their life’s work was this business. They both worked very hard to make it a success…her words to me…”what kind of schooling, how much,” and at the end, “well you sure did not get any return on that investment.” “Ten kids, well after the little one is two or so you can work full time since your family IS COMPLETE.” And on and on it went… By the end of the conversation…I looked at the little money, the lot of responsibility … the failure my life is viewed by those who count coins…and I felt very defeated.
The whispers surrounded me as I looked at Eli’s smile with six top teeth and two bottom teeth grinning at me…and made Benjamin chocolate milk for the 20 thousandth time as he said , ”Ben, wantsa chocolate milk.” I looked at the kid mess, laundry, and my life felt undone, worthless and I believed it for a second…
Then THE Voice…” I see you…I hear you…I love you.” Straight into my spirit. My soul responded..I know you .. You are the TRUTH…And I breathed deeply, my whole self absorbing the words of Truth.
Yes, I am wounded, we all are. We can never, ever be that perfect someone with a successful career, immaculate house, kids that are always perfectly behaved, dressed, and accomplished.
Someone has to be the one who drives in a beat up car to Sheetz to hand a poor friend a hundred dollars to drive to the hospital in Pittsburgh for surgery… someone has to wipe that baby’s bottom that has chronic diarrhea, someone has to put grates on the second story windows so a little autistic boy does not get hurt… and God sees… He sees…He sees you when you do unto others, when in your need you give, and love, and give some more.
Listen to the truth…not the whispers of lies.