As another attack comes, we recognize the pattern..pounding, kicking smashing and crushing…
After the fire, came then came the forklift running into the electric meter, knocking out the power to the retreading plant. We are back online, but another day of no production and no sales and the bills don’t care.
I held the baby, I did. I spent the day on the phone fighting with the electricians/inspectors and the electric company to have our power to the plant restored before tomorrow. I played with Eli and Benjamin; worked with Shyloh, Faith and Mazie on the house…and cried. Not the big sobbing cries, but the slow dripping of mental exhaustion and pressure…
No matter what happens, Ray and I have each other and the children. No matter what, whether or not God chooses to bless our business…or not…this month has shown us that no matter how hard we work and push, if God does not bless, it will fail…and we will lose everything. The business, our farm, all of our material possessions..
But deep inside was this broken halleluiah that kept singing in my head and erupting out of my mouth. It is broken and flawed, it is a tad sad and resigned…but it is still there.
As I sing from this weary place, I yearn for the days not that long ago when I breathed every breath at one with the Spirit; with praise and peace. This broken place has fragments of praise, but some of grief…the hands around the throat kind… ahh God knows, the depth remains and so does His strength. “Be strong and courageous…for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go…”
2 Corinthians 4:8-12 King James Version (KJV)
8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;
9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;