Mazie holding Josiah's hand

Mazie holding Josiah’s hand

I refused. I felt the stirrings of lovely joy in the moment. Joy watching the children smile. Joy in cool breath of air and bright skies; joy as I remembered friends who have reached out and loved my children. I remembered the friend who brought tons of baby formula, the one who took my clothes when we came home from Virginia and washed them. I remembered the friend who offered to bring a meal from an hour drive away and brought the best homemade bread ever (the kids are still talking about it). I remembered the family that did not know we were in crisis mode, but cut and round baled a whole field of hay for Ray at a time when he was so overwhelmed… I was full of this huge welling of love/hope/and joy and…

shopping train

shopping train


I got the mail. What a mistake that was!! I got two denials for medical care already given… The apnea monitor for Josiah was denied…the urologist appointment for Eli was denied and along with that one came a collection letter…wow they don’t mess around! I could feel it change me. The overwhelming feeling of the stack of medical bills is growing. Something has definitely changed in the health insurance industry. Who denies an apnea monitor for a baby that was hospitalized for apnea?? I refused to let it ruin my joy… I don’t know what the outcome of all of this will be. I know others that have adopted special children that struggle to pay for the needs of the child just because they do not qualify for medical assistance because they did not spend a day in foster care. What a crazy, crazy system.

Daddy and Eli and Josiah

Daddy and Eli and Josiah

But, I still have that friend over there that stopped with a basket from the ladies prayer group with clothes and a toy for Josiah. Grandma came with tons of carbohydrates for the kiddos. And there was that phone call from another friend just to check on us.


Josiah and I visiting Ian at football camp.

Josiah and I visiting Ian at football camp.

I am not alone, no matter how much “The Deceiver” tries to tell me. I know that even if it takes years, the medical bills will one day be settled a dollar at a time. I know “who holds the future.”

Ian really missed Josiah

Ian really missed Josiah

People think we are crazy, but there is always a cost to doing what you know you are to be doing. I got to thinking, when my family was touring and we got home at four am on a Monday morning and I had to go to school, study on the bus and try to fit all of my projects in around the schedule…that sure wasn’t easy for me. But, my dad worked many times 70 hours a week and still practiced and drove the bus for hours and sang then got back on the bus and yes got home at 4 am and got up for work at 6… that wasn’t easy either; but it was what he was sure he was supposed to be doing.


What is that about the apple not falling far from the tree…so who is surprised??­­


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