That is good in theory, however…
The past few weeks have been more than hard.
Ray’s mom has gotten very unsure of herself and her ability to be alone. One of the children stay over every night or she stays here…and she camps out in the pink chair and folds clothes, bless her heart.
Not really sure what happened, we are thinking mini strokes, but, at 89 she has decided against having a cat scan to tell for sure. Her blood work came out fine. She no longer drives, cooks, or cleans, but she still is able to do self-care tasks. Ray’s brother, Rudy came in for a visit since things have changed so rapidly and so dramatically.
Needless to say, my chore list has grown a notch, now counting out pills for “yaya”, making sure she is hydrated, keeping the bathroom empty of Benjamin showering constantly and the floors clear of residue from the children so she doesn’t trip…and I am more home bound than ever. I tried to leave her with the kids and the sitter once in the past two weeks, but she felt too insecure…that is my next plan, get her able to stay with the sitter.
While all of this is happening, pruning is happening once again. Remember about a year and a half ago, we had to stop leading our 4-H group because Eli was in the hospital during sign-ups we could not go to the mandatory meetings and one thing after another shut the doors of that activity…
Well once again, through really no fault of our own we have to get rid of most of our herd. We just cannot do it anymore. Ray is working 80 plus hours a week, with all of our special children and now “Yaya”.
I can not and have not for about a year and a half taken charge of the medical health of the cows and calves… and something poisoned some of them over the last week, we think it was either a fungus or some kind of weed in their hay…we had some very sick and dying cows and lots of tears from our daughter who loves them so much. There was nothing we could do, so the funnel grew narrower…
I have found that you can fight God’s direction, but if you are sincerely praying for God to direct your steps…you should not fight a nudge or shove from the rod of the Shepherd…
So, Shyloh and I are picking a few to keep, four or five and letting the rest go… how does one choose??
Ouch, there goes another branch. Now all that is left is our family and our business, no 4-H, no dairy herd, no church… I am feeling quite bald here.
God give us strength… my prayer has been, “help me, give me strength…” and again…”help me, give me strength…”
Today I had a breakdown from all of the pressure: Eli has been a typical toddler pill; into everything, climbing everywhere and his new trick…unscrewing caps..and opening the refrigerator. I was feeding Josiah when I see a little imp running with a square bottle, orange liquid sloshing out of it… oh stink… yep pediasure, do you know how sticky that stuff is??
I lost it; yep I did… I took the almost empty bottle from his hands. Sobbing and crying I grabbed towels and sopped up the tacky liquid from the cracks in the hardwood floor, muttering and crying…the poor child thought I had lost my mind… and maybe I did for a second…”help me, give me strength…” and I took Eli to bed and told him to stay there, I had him so confused, he did…
Gathering the remnants of my brain back together, I took a break, edited some pictures and wrote this blog…now onward!!
And I did not even tell you about the week where Ian got shot by a bee bee in the chin and they would not take it out in the office and he needed surgery. And after me being gone two days, Benjamin reverted for two weeks and smeared his poop and peed everywhere…nope did not even tell you that… so, pray with me…
“God help me, give me strength…”
Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
– King James Bible “Authorized Version”, Cambridge Edition