…”But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
Still thou are blest, compared wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward, tho’ I canna see,
I guess an’ fear!”
Robert Burns 1785
Of course in more modern English we say, “The best-laid plans of mice and men / Often go awry”
And that about sums up January and the beginning of February in our house:
As January got darker and more cloudy, I worried about my son. He is one of the many who struggles with bipolar disorder with seasonal onset of depression. One great thing about buying the business last year, is that we could hire this adult son, knowing his struggle. Every day, I would ask Ray, “how is he?”…
and one day Ray’s response was, “He cannot stop crying, and he said …”I just don’t know…”” That has always been his code words for, I can’t go any more. I need help.
I love my family, I just cannot tell you what it meant to see my other sons spring into action when I told them about their brother needing them… I gave him vitamins and talked to him in the middle of the night during a particularly bad episode. The boys took him out to eat, stayed overnight… took him food and made him feel loved. And he did feel loved. The vitamins did their job: he long ago decided that the anti-depressants and mood stabilizers were not for him. But I make sure he had his Vitamin D3 3000 IU/day and his multivitamin.
And then there is Christine… not a child, the green behemoth van… it has decided to drive itself into things. No, I did not wreck, but that was not from lack of the van’s effort to do so. Something is up with the idle and accelerator. It throws me and pushes forward even with my foot on the break. So, I have been house bound. I cannot get another vehicle until the tractor is paid off in May, and I can’t drive the tractor around with car seats in it. It might be safer than the van at this point though!
So I have been dreaming of my new ride…only to find out that same son is in danger of the bank repossessing his vehicle that we cosigned on…so soon to arrive in our driveway, is a vehicle that I did not choose…The best laid plans of mice and men…
Speaking of wrecking, it has been bumper car city around here. The count for January: Ray three fender benders, Levi two, Micah’s car is still out of commission from his wreck in October that we have not fixed yet…
And therapies: nutrition, speech, and physical therapy for Eli and Josiah; the weather has been so bad the therapists have scheduled, cancelled and rescheduled multiple times.
Because of the bad roads and me not getting the paperwork from the shop early, I have been doing bookwork in the middle of the night and trying to nap, yeah right.
Shyloh has gone back to brick and mortar school.
Grandma hates being alone especially when the weather is bad, but doesn’t like being here with the confusion either…so, her choice I tell her; either worry about the weather at home or come here and hate the noise. Going there with all of the kids is just not an option and I would be taking the noise with me anyway.
She told me,” I guess I could always call the fire department. Everyone forgets how old I am.”
I know this blog sounds all disjointed, it is not you, it is me…I have been isolated from the world; inside these four walls now for six straight days and hoping to go to the grocery store tonight…hoping 🙂 If not, who knows what is in my cupboards…