The Adoption Rumor Mill


The adoption world is fraught with rumors about and concerning agencies, adoptive parents, lawyers, facilitators, etc.

“What is true? What is not?” are always questions as you go on the adoption path.


I have found four things to be true:

  1. Trust but verify: always go to the source…call or email the agency regarding the rumor. Read or listen to the response, take notes, verify. To verify, contact the victim directly; listen to their story, take notes, verify. Leave your emotions at the door to be objective: compare.

If something does not sit right, move on to another agency. But sometimes you will find that this was a unique situation, five years ago, or the adopting couple is hurt and angry and they did not read the documents or something that is verifiable.

  1. Don’t go telling what you are unsure to be true;   you have begun that game we used to play: start by having people sit in a circle; at least 12 will do great!

Then the chosen person whispers a read message in one person’s ear, that person then whispers it to the person beside him or her and so on…when you get around the circle, the last person has to say out-loud what they heard. And guess what? The written message never matches the 12 times repeated verbal message.

That childhood game really taught us all how rumors change from truth, but we so easily forget it.


            3. if you hear the same thing happening again and again “rumors” but from various sources, various victims and you have heard personally from the victims yourself…

Now you sit up and pay attention. Now you try to avoid whatever adoption worker that is behind many victims.


            4. And if someone says… “I think….” Disregard, if they think, they don’t know. If they know they will say, “I know”

These guidelines are not only true in the adoption realm but life. Save yourself a lot of grief by following these rules…

Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 26:20-22
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.  As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.


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