No useful moved detected

Up now for a few hours, cannot sleep. Mind is thinking about all of the legal things we need to do to get everything in order dependent on Ray’s diagnosis…and I am NOT ok thinking about the future. Even thinking of right now is hard. All of the weight of the business now is on my shoulders. Ray cannot handle the stress of thinking bout the business/money end of everything. God help me not to forget anything important. God please heal him from his head to his toe. Thank you so much for letting him know in a way he understood that you are present with him. Last night, he told me he felt a chill…but kind of like a breeze…go from his head to his feet…then it stopped. Ray said, ” I know you are here.” Then it gently moved back up his body. Tears dripped when he talked, from both of us.

Let your light shine in us. Tomorrow will be a hard day for him, please give him all of the calmness and pain relief so that he can more than endure it…that he would feel nothing. That his bleeding would stop and there would be no negative repercussions from the biopsies themselves. Protect his breathing, protect his lungs. Dear Jesus, thank you so much for another day with my Ray. I have to trust you, there is no other way to move forward, but to trust…so here I am, needing you to be my strength. I am so weak right now. It is hard being the one watching

Lost my game in solitaire… I asked for a hint on the ap…”no useful moves detected.” …the comment felt like opening a fortune cookie.

March 30 from my journal



2 comments on “No useful moved detected

  1. Esther & Ray & Family,
    My thought and prayers are with each of you. Thank you for being willing to share your circumstances and pain with the rest of us. An army of prayer warriors has formed, lifting you constantly before the throne. I could comment a thousand comments that are true statements, but they would sound like wasted air to you right now. Instead I’ll say GOD IS FAITHFUL ! He created each of you and knows everything that’s happening now and will happen in the near or distant future. Crawl into His arms and let Him comfort you.
    Father, I lift Esther, Ray, and their precious family up to You. In our human eyes, Lord, the circumstances are overwhelming and fear and pain have come rolling into our hearts, yet, we know beyond and shadow of a doubt that You know everything and are working even now in their lives. On this Good Friday we remember how, in human terms, everything looks so bleak and final as You hung on that cross and died. To everyone there, it appeared to be over. But Lord, we turn our focus on the days ahead. It’s Friday, but Sunday is coming !!! Lord Jesus, thank you for all you endured so that we can have eternal life. Thank You for taking the stripes so that we can be healed. We claim that healing for Ray right now. We praise You in advance for all You are and all You are doing in Ray and in the life of this precious family! We thank You for the provisions You will provide to allow each one to rest in You and to feel and know Your presence. Please surround them with Your everlasting love and peace that goes beyond all understanding. Flood them with Your presence sweet Holy Spirit. Lord, I ask for guardian angels to protect them, warring angels to do battle in the heavenlies on their behalf, ministering angels to meet them at the point of their deepest needs, and for You to grant them the deepest desires of their hearts. Be their peace Lord. Turn all the anxiety they’re feeling into songs of praise for all You have done and are going to do. We praise You, Jesus, for all that You have done and all that You will do for Ray and his family! All glory and praise to You now and evermore !!! Amen & amen !

  2. I just went to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. My spouse was diagnosed with late stage colorectal cancer 3 years ago. We have 5 young children (11,9,9,9 & 5). I was never so scared in all my life. Conventional treatments were limited because of intolerance to chemo and a previous cancer. We used alternative treatments and we are so lucky that my spouse is now cancer free. We are constantly afraid of another cancer. If I can help you in anyway please don’t hesitate to ask. I would be happy to post your adoption situations on my charity page Support for Expectant Mothers. I will keep you, your husband and your children in my prayers. Melissa

    Sent from my iPad


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