A few more people I need to tell personally.

I told his sister Robin…she is praying.. this is very painful for her…too. ..Rene and Rudy, Ray’s brothers, Robin promised she would tell them. And Ray’s mom is 90, we take care of her. I reminded her of how sick Ray had been and told her he was in the hospital getting tests. She probably will forget, but at least I can truthfully tell her that I told her. She is not able to handle the full load.

And, my most fragile son, Caleb. Caleb was hard to tell…we first talked about his Dad’s reduced kidney function. One of his very good friend’s mom has been on dialysis for years…then I told him about the cancer tests..he said “I gotta go” and pretty much hung up. I know he cried… I know my son, he did not want me to hear his pain. It mirrors mine.

I have one child left to tell, Amanda. She has not been around much, and as a result, this will hit her very hard…I can do no more today…


March 27 from my journal



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