In Him I live and move and have my being…Acts 17:28…
When all of everything absorbs me and I am afraid for the future…this verse pops out of nowhere and settles into my spirit deeply…It is a verse of the present; not the past that you cannot change, and surely not the future, which is very much out of my control in many ways.
I. Am. Right. Now.
Being a vessel for Him.
And I am breathing and living.
As a practical matter, I was having lots of time with tears that would not stop…so, sometimes you have to look to your past to know that there is something that helps you deal; some people run, lift weights, hike, play music or whatever. For me, my breathing during tough times has been visually riding in my mind…taking me back to a time when I was a child when I felt the most relaxed and mentally together…hearing hooves, feeling hide beneath my hand, seeing legs extending as I lean forward just enjoying the ride…imagining was not enough this time. I kept asking God how can I just breathe and survive this…it was plain I had to go back to go forward.
Here is Flash. He is not an expensive horse, he is not the best horse ever…but he is perfect for this time. He is a Haflinger pony mostly with I think probably quarter horse in there because his hooves are so small 🙂 He is stubborn like a pony, full of quirks and personality and it helps. It helps. A ride at a time. That is all I can ask for right now.
God is good. I have had a few more months with Ray and I am praying always for a miracle. I have become a complete filter of information for him…not telling him things he cannot handle until it is a good time…Keeping the children quiet during the day when he is napping or out of the room when he just hurts. Trying to keep the tire business running with the boys and just trying to go one more day; one more payment, one more health insurance month paid for…Gosh we never would have bought a business two years ago if we had known this…but that is the past and I cannot reverse it and neither can Ray…so back to the verse for the present…
In Him I live and move and have my being…
I breathe. One. Minute. At. A. time.