And so ON

When it gets to the point where neither Ray or I can go to the store without someone asking how he is… it is time to update my blog and let our very concerned friends and family know how we really are:

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First emotionally, it had been a very hard and wearing year for both of us. Ray’s life has been changed forever. Hope remains alive; he hopes and prays that God will heal him. He hopes and prays the researchers find a cure, and he  hopes and prays he makes the right decisions with choosing doctors, choosing treatments, etc. Lots of pressure on Ray to do that, and he really could use your prayers.

As for my emotional state, it is all over the map. I am beginning the change of life in the midst of all of this, so that surely doesn’t help. The pressure of knowing what is, what can happen, and what did happen is sometimes too much to take…so I garden, listen to music REAL loud, I hug my kids maybe too tight, or not at all, might get a little too silly… but then reality strikes again… But God…underneath is the everlasting arms that support, strengthen and hold me when it is just too much…

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Second: financially… we bought a business the year before Ray was diagnosed… and like most people used our house as collateral. The bank said it was only temporary, three years until they saw the business was successful and we were making a profit… Then Ray got sick… If you are local and need tires; car or truck, lawnmower, heavy equipment, quad, motor home, trailer, you name it; have a flat, have a big rig or a dump truck and need tires…we sure could use your support. Those of you that have supported our business; we thank you SO much…and there are many of you who have…We are not being successful or making a profit since much of our business is large truck tires…and you all know what happened to the coal industry and the fracking industry here in PA… And with Ray so very sick…So we are struggling to hang onto our business…and our house… Through all of this, God keeps asking this underlying question…”am I enough”…and to be honest, I am struggling with answering that…

 

And lastly, medically…with the newest drug Daratumamab he has shown some response, some stabilization of his numbers and better hemoglobin, wbc and kidney function…however, we are 3 months in and the length of effectiveness with this immunotherapy averages 7 months. It has been a nice reprieve though. At the last specialist appointment, he requested we go to a different specialist since he has never had a patient live this long with such chronically high protein numbers (how they measure the cancer)…so that was a bit of a blow. Also, Ray had bone scans done to see how things have changed this past year with his bone densities. He has a complete collapse of T12 which is new. Lunacies in both femurs, both hips, all along his spine and his rib cage. His structure is in dire straits. We covet your prayer, we love all of you and know that your prayers help with our daily struggle to remain strong for our children, calm for our own sanity, and driven to make this thing called life matter… Each day matters, each one…

One last thing…take care of yourself, take care of your love…don’t live life like you have forever…you don’t, none of us do.

Esther

Master of the Wind

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