This gallery contains 5 photos.
When we walked in after speaking with the doctor in the NICU in the conference room, we were very surprised. He was only hooked up to an Oxygen monitor, a heart/breathing monitor and that was it!! He was very cute, … Continue reading
Probably this detail is boring to some of you, but when we were going through the process for the first time, it was so hard to find any information as to how exactly does it work? I kept reading things thinking, details please!! We don’t generally have money in our account like that, but as I said before in another post, God provided it due to the adoption credit was no longer a credit but refundable. Since I had carried over Mazie’s adoption expenses, we had a sizable refund.
The adoption agencies are particular in that they do not take personal checks, the checks must be bank cashier’s checks. So, on Friday morning, Ray and I went to the bank and got the checks. Levi was in charge at home. Shyloh went to Maggie’s (a friend’s) for a night, and Faith went to Julia’s (her friend’s). The rest of the children were Levi’s to parent for two days. Believe me, he was very glad to see us come home!
We met the adoption worker in the lobby. We could not enter the hospital due to the security in the Children’s hospital without the correct paperwork. The social worker from the hospital came to verify our paperwork and our identity. We gave the adoption worker the checks in the lobby after looking at the medical and social file for the birth mother. They gave us paperwork to show at the security desk for the next time we decided to visit our son (so the social worker would not have to be present at the desk). We signed paperwork and were ready to meet our son!!
For our Adoption Fund:
We get an email from the agency that did our home study:
SOCIAL WORKERS ALL Subject: Need family for Special Needs Baby
We are looking for an adoptive family who is willing to be matched with this special needs baby. The birth mother requested a “safe haven” on this baby, so she does not want to pick the family nor wants any future contact. She doesn’t even want to know the medical condition of the baby. Below is the information on the baby. Please let me know by tomorrow morning if you have any families who are at least interested. If we can’t find any families we are going to start calling other agencies tomorrow. We should have complete medical records by tomorrow as well.
Full Caucasian Baby boy born on Friday 13th in a police car. Baby was taken to St. Chris’ in Philadelphia.
The baby tested positive for oxycodone and is currently on morphine for withdraw. The baby was also put on antibiotics for any possible infection due to delivering in the police car, but has completed this cycle and is clear of infections. Hospital is doing an HIV test on the baby today and the birth mother received no pre-natal care.
The baby was born at 43 weeks but was just under 5lbs. The baby had a prominent forehead and wide set nipples, which caused the hospital have the baby seen by a Geneticist and complete genetic testing. Geneticist came back saying that the baby has dysmorphicfeatures and no more genetic testing was required. The baby’s hands are also contracted (tight fist).
The baby was diagnosed with Intrauterine Growth Restriction. They believe this was due to poor nutrition and drug use during pregnancy. Here is a website with more information about this diagnosis: http://www.pediatricsdigest.mobi/content/118/1/91.full
Baby did have further testing completed: Normal Head, EEG came back normal.
Please let me know if you have any families that would consider this situation and I can forward you the medical records for them to review once we receive them.
Thank you.
We of course contacted them and said we were interested. Then we had to wait. Here is the tricky part. Their placement fees for a Caucasian baby are ($ 23,000 +) they also need the post placement costs (1700) and the medical escrow ($1000) at the time of placement. Because of his special needs, couples aren’t exactly falling over themselves to bring this special angel into their families. No one else was interested. We have only 10,000 in the bank. Negotiation time: we told them at max we could go 13,000. First they lowered their placement fees to $11,500, then to a flat $10,000. I thought that was fair. We cleared out our account ( balance is now less than $300), borrowed another $3,000, and made plans to go to Philadelphia.
We yet have to pay termination and finalization legal cost, not at all sure what they will be, last time they amounted to around $2,000, but trusting for God to provide.
Sigh, the money end of things discourages many people, us included. We were joking that we have taken a vow of poverty! It is really hard to take the step to clear out all the money you have, to have nothing for a rainy day, to give up the hope of fixing my bathroom, nice flooring in my bedroom etc. But when you put it in the balance, what is more important? I know one thing, God usually wants it all: all your dreams, all your possessions; total commitment. He hates when we are lukewarm. Hot or cold.
For our Adoption Fund:
Part 2
The baby was weighed and measured. He was 4 pounds 7 oz and 17 inches long. He was determined to be 43 weeks gestational age. The diagnosis was Intrauterine Growth Restriction.
The little baby was examined by a geneticist and determined not to have any features that would indicate the need for genetic testing. Many tests were coming back negative, except for one. Oxycodone was found in the meconium around the baby. Immediately, a withdrawal protocol was begun. Every four hours, morphine is being administered to the baby in decreasing doses. The “official” diagnosis is neonatal abstinence syndrome. The baby is being scored : Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome Scoring (NASS) on the baby, which means that we check their vital signs and score them every 4 hours around the clock. The way the scoring system works is that points are assigned to certain withdrawal symptoms that the baby is exhibiting and the severity of each. Different symptoms that we see include increased temperature, increased respiratory rate, tremors, high-pitched crying, poor feeding, sleep problems, tight muscle tone, excoriation of the skin, sneezing, diarrhea (which causes terrible diaper rash), excessive and inconsolable crying, in addition to many others. If the baby scores an 8 or above, we then score them again in 2 hours. If they get an 8 or above for 3 consecutive times, they are then started on morphine, and the dosage is adjusted slowly up or down every few days, depending on their NASS score, the goal being to ultimately wean them off of the morphine. When they are started on morphine, it usually takes weeks before they are weaned off completely (a normal baby is usually discharged after two days).” (http://www.novusdetox.com/methadone-oxycontin-pregnancy.php )
The baby is being called “Hunter” by the nurses, a lot better than Baby Boy Cxxxxxxxxxx. Sergeant Hunter is still stopping by to see the baby.
At the other hospital, due to the mom’s request for “safe haven,” an adoption agency was contacted in hopes that the baby could be adopted straight away without spending time in foster care. The agency begins to search for a family. They will not have her sign papers transferring custody to them unless they can find a family.
For our Adoption Fund:
Part 1
On Friday, January 13th, Sergeant David Hunter, an officer in the Philadelphia police department noticed a woman hanging out of a car giving birth. He immediately came to her aid, helping a baby, in full breech position, enter the world. The mother requested “safe haven” for her baby. After the baby had been delivered, he had to administer CPR and the paramedics arrived.
The baby was transported to Saint Christopher’s Hospital and the mother was admitted to a closer hospital. The baby had had no prenatal care and the mother was not cooperating in filling out any medical history or the paperwork needed to apply for a birth certificate.
Meanwhile in the other hospital, the baby was exhibiting seizure type behavior and high tone. Multiple tests were run on the baby. Sergeant Hunter began to visit the baby and brought him clothes and a Catholic blessing.
For our Adoption Fund:
Ok now, Deep Breath
Our agency knows we are available for special situations, but are not “signed up” with them. So when this baby was born, they sent an email to all the case workers looking for a special family. Guess what? We were contacted yesterday about this little guy, and we said, “yes.” We just had to wait to see if any of their contracted families were willing to adopt this special angel.
It was a VERY long day. I took Levi’s cell phone with me to the appointment at the psychiatrist’s office for Mazie’s evaluation for her therapeutic support staff (TSS). I took her to lunch…still no call. I called Levi for him to check my email to see if they sent an email instead…nothing. I sent an email around 1:00pm to the secretary…the phone rang!!
Take a very deep breath… We have a SON!! I don’t know his name, I don’t know what he looks like, but God has given us another son.
We have to borrow some money since we don’t quite have enough. I will have many more details and pictures when we come back. We will be going to Philadelphia in the morning to meet him. He is in Saint Christopher’s Children’s Hospital, the same exact hospital Mazie spent so much time. So, I was right to put the donate button on our blog, the timing was exactly right!! Isn’t God cool??
For our Adoption Fund:
Things I learned January 12th-18th
A Rough Day
You know waiting is the absolute worst.
Adoption; engaging and disengaging… Bryant, sweet soul, was matched with another family.
Here is the letter:
We held our match staffing for Bryant today. While your family presented excellent qualities, we did select another family for Bryant. Thank you for your interest in adopting a child out of the foster care system. I wish you the best in your future endeavors to adopt.
We were told a day prior to the adoptive match meeting there were SIX families. That is a huge number, way above the usual three. We knew they preferred a family closer to the Jacksonville, FL area since his siblings are in that area. So with six, the assumption was, of course there was a closer family, but nonetheless we waited two months for a decision on their part. That is why if you submit for children in the system, you should not stop looking elsewhere.
The clock ticks. Ray says he thinks that all the agencies/birth families think we are too old. I just think that God knows. It is hard not to feel down and rejected many times over.
One thing I know, our adoption fund is not quite high enough. We have a few situations we submitted for that would require us to take out a loan for a few thousand dollars. I know God is bigger than that. Also, I will have to pay months of premiums for the little special one until he or she can be placed on the medical card due to their health. I can do that once finalization occurs or a waiver is signed.
Sigh, the situation right now is I am waiting today. We received a call about a little Down syndrome baby born in OH. She was 4 pounds and the adoptive family walked. The PA agency that called us works with them regularly. They came down on costs 3 thousand dollars, but if we are matched, we should know today, it will still require us to borrow thousands of dollars. But God is bigger than that. Here is the email we got from them:
We have a situation the requires immediate placement of a special needs child. Birthmother xxxx was networked in September and matched with a family from a different agency. She gave birth in the last couple of days and the Caucasian baby girl was born with Down Syndrome. The baby girl was born in Ohio, weighs 4 pounds, after being born about 2-3 weeks early and is said to be doing well. xxxxx had blood work and ultrasounds that did not reveal the baby to have Down Syndrome prior to the birth. The family that xxxxx was matched with has decided that they cannot move forward. Below is the original information that was sent out:
The baby in Texas where the birth mom is still fighting whether to place or not, baby is in NICU since early December also the fees are higher, but God led me to that one too. So God knows, he can work a miracle.
Of course we are waiting to hear of news of EVA yet in the system. Expect another two month wait on that one too.
Eva
Discouraged, but hanging on. Thanks for listening.
For our Adoption Fund:
The corn stalks were crunchy, dry and scratchy. They only were a little higher than my ankle, but on Benjamin, they were up to his knees. The taller weeds scraped along my thigh, but hit him in the nose. “Behind you, behind you” Benjamin repeated over and over. He could not walk abreast with me, it hurt too much. He had to follow behind to protect his face from scratches and his knees from scrapes.
I stopped to watch the dog run across the field, Benjamin, four square behind me, stopped too and watched. We continued on: “Behind you,” Ben continued his chant.
Once we reached the path the tractor made, having crushed the weeds and stalks in its wake, Benjamin let go of my hand and ran ahead.
It’s when the way gets easy and the road gets wide that we run ahead and stop waiting for God to make the path clear.
“They have made themselves crooked paths. Whoever takes that way shall not know peace.” Isaiah 59:8b
“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because, narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it” Matthew 7:13-14
“Show me your ways, O Lord, Teach me your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me. For You are the God of my Salvation. On You I wait all the day.” Psalm 25:4-5.
I want nothing more than to follow God as he makes a path just wide enough for me to fit through. Nothing more; nothing less.
For our Adoption Fund:
Introducing: BENJAMIN
Benjamin. I don’t write a ton about the individual children. Benjamin has been struggling. We have not had him assessed, but I KNOW he has autism. How do I know? Family history, observation of a brother a nephew and multiple cousins who have been diagnosed made me suspicious, kind of sure, and now certain.
I will get him assessed soon, but in the meantime…Our family history stinks, at least on my side. In my Mom’s family, there were 9 children. Of the children, there are 37 children, so I have tons of first cousins on my mom’s side. Each of the cousins had children. We began to observe a pattern.
My Aunt Barb’s grandchildren: 3 autistic
My Uncle Ted’s grandchildren: none, 1 MR
My mom’s grandchildren: 3 autistic, one other low functioning
Aunt Betty Jo, 1 (suspected not diagnosed)
Uncle Jim: none severe allergies-2
Aunt Deb: 3 autistic
Uncle Rob: 2 suspected autistic not confirmed
Uncle Rick: none
Uncle Bill : unknown(too little)
The numbers of autistic children do not match with probability in the population. What is going on?
Besides that fact, Benjamin is struggling. In the fall of last year, I thought it was my imagination. After his hospitalization in the spring, things really started to go downhill. We were to the place where you could not get him to look at you, he would recite his ABC’s 24/7. He made no attempt to answer anything you asked him. He would run around the coffee table touching each corner. If you interrupted him in the middle of lining up his block he would scream at you. If we went somewhere new, oh my gosh, total meltdown, just a puddle of screaming, crying, hands over his ears and eyes. I was at my wits end. I had tried, but was wondering where to go from here, when “out of the blue,” yeah right,” Rebecca called. God had a hand in it I am sure.
Rebecca is a pioneer in our family with researching autism. She was a math teacher when first one then two then three of her children were diagnosed with the disease of autism. She has called me a total of three times in the last fifteen years. Her call was not by chance, I needed her, and God sent her. I was crying and telling her what was happening with Benjamin. She kept asking me, “how is his eye contact.” I was talking, but eventually answered her question…you see I just had to talk!! I told her his eye contact is almost non-existent. Get rid of all dairy she told me. She said her kids all would lose eye contact almost immediately upon introduction of any dairy into their diet.
She also told me some other things, but I have not implemented them, since I have to buy the supplements etc. But I could immediately remove all dairy. That was Tuesday.
A normal trip to the store was gingerly taking Benjamin through the aisles, hoping I did not see anyone who would talk to me, or look at Ben and I would hope he would not be over stimulated and start a meltdown. Today is Friday, two days after I removed all dairy. We went to Giant Eagle to buy Almond milk and other things. I ran into two people I knew, one talked to Ben, no response, but no crying. He began to sing, “Jesus loves me…” We waited for deli meat, no melt down. We waited in line, he picked his treat. The cashier said, “Let me scan that for you honey,” and reached out her hand. Benjamin looked up, right into her eyes and said, “OK.” She scanned it and handed the treat back to him.
WOW, I thought he was improving, but WOW. Introducing, “BENJAMIN!!!” Rebecca explained to me that something in the milk, an allergic reaction, an incomplete digestion so there is an odd by product…something causes the brain to inflame in her children after milk consumption. My buddy boy, is alive. We are now at about an 18 month level (he is 3) but, BUT thank God I breast fed so he probably did not struggle until milk was introduced at that time. Weird, how could there be no outward signs of allergy, no rash, no diahrrea, no constipation, and it be KILLING and DESTROYING something in his brain?
We have a long way to go, but now we have a boy to work with, not a reciter of all things alphabet. At least he looks at me and sees me. All I can say is WOW!!
